It's been months, forgive me.
I blogged on Livejournal for a bit, and then recalled that, particularly given current political circumstances, that name is not safe. I migrated it to Dreamwidth, but then took up a new name, and I haven't quite moved in there yet.
On Saturday I stopped short on an onramp, and the guy behind me didn't stop and rammed me into the car in front. My radiator, front quarter panels, one headlight, hood and both bumpers were damaged. My neck is still sore. It's Tuesday night and I still have had only one voicemail from the insurance adjuster, who refuses to answer his phone or voicemails. I have no car. I have no idea what's going on.
On Sunday Mike returned from a work trip in Europe.
On Monday he broke up with me.
It's been a long time coming, but it's been a long time, period. Five years is longer than several marriages I could name. But I'd built my life around him, entwined it with his, and I am in a bad way trying to find the path forward. If my life is to be forever bootless solitary toil and never comfort, what good is a life? I am asking myself repeatedly. ("Children" still never looks like a good answer. Creating more suffering humans still never seems like a good answer.)
One foot in front of the other.
Five years is long with lots of shared memories. For those that enjoy companionship, the thought of a lifetime without is the darkness. Finding a place where we belong is hard. One of my friends used the saying that we meet people for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Kind of her way of saying that shorter friendships were not in vain or wasted. May there be more reasons, seasons, and lifetimes.
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