Keep walking

 My step-grandfather passed away peacefully and unexpectedly in his sleep on October 21st. We weren't close, and he wasn't functionally with us the last eight years or so. I have not really known what to say that isn't condescending, trite, or worse than saying nothing at all, so after two glasses of wine I wrote that in a card with some memories and stuck it in an envelope addressed to my grandmother. 

I think my disc is re-absorbing itself, because my pain is way waaay down. I mean, not gone, but down. I still have a lot of pain sleeping, and I don't have my full range of motion or feeling in my thumb back. But it's much more predictable and my shoulder hurts a lot less.

I mean, it's either that I'm getting better, or I'm getting inured to the pain?

Either way, I'm thinking about maybe trying some small yoga and maybe trying to get back to sewing a bit?

I've been waiting for over a week for the CPMC neurologist to even get back to me; at this point I'm seeking other resources. I left a message at UCSF, because I don't want to be pressured into what is essentially a life-altering surgery. That said, I'm at my Out-of-Pocket maximum for the year right now - it's worth doing while I've got the option and have coverage, especially given the horrifying prospects for health care if Things Go Poorly in the upcoming election. \

I've got a two page Google Doc of questions for my follow-up with the non-dud doctor, but I'm still super scared about this. Any time you have a surgery where the disclaimers start with "we could nick your vocal cords and you might never speak again, we might fuse your neck so that it's permanently pinching a nerve, and also we could nick your carotid artery while we’re dicking around in there and you could DIE." I keep seeing the xrays with two screws per vertebra and it just makes me cringe.

Work is going. I feel so scattered right now, it's nice to have something that's just sort of cooking along there without my help. It would be really nice if just one of the many things that're taking up brain space would resolve - the DPO sale, the acquisition, health stuff, therapy, covid, the election, the back stairs...